Summer 2013 is barreling down on me fast.  Beyond the usual “How in God’s name am I going to fill TWO WHOLE MONTHS with my kids?”, I’m consumed this year by a far greater lament.  On July 30^th, I will turn fifty years old.  F-I-F-T-Y years old.

I’m not sure who coined the phrase “fifty is the new thirty”, but chances are they were pretty hopped up on Botox when they said it.  Believe me, I’m happy to have reached this milestone in one piece, but my chassis could sure use an oil n’ lube at this point.

When I look back on my mother at this age, she was squeezing herself into a latex girdle and shellacking her beige hair into a carbon fiber dome every morning, so I guess by comparison, I’m keepin’ it real.  Of course, I have been known to use a little hairspray from time to time… Read more