One Flu Bug Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

With cold and flu season in full swing, I have been so cooped up over the past two weeks caring for sick, stuffed up children that I was getting down to my very last nursing nerve.  So many, many days …

But thanks to the miracle of antibiotics and Tim Horton’s coffee, both children and parent are now through the worst of it and are no longer on house arrest.

So for those of you facing the same fate, I’ve adapted a few front-line parenting tips to keep you and your sick child entertained this holiday season that I hope you’ll find as hellful as I did:

• Engage In Shared Playtime:  If you find yourself hiding in the corner of your living room rocking back and forth, back and forth, feeling completely overwhelmed by the looming holidays, give your child the power switch on the extension cord and let him toggle the tree lights for you.  On.  Off.  On.  Off.

• Play Card Games:  Easy card games like “Go Fish” are sure to amuse your fevered offspring for hours on end … and I mean H-O-U-R-S.  You may find poking your eyes out with a sharp pencil will also entertain your little patient while serving as a necessary game concluder.

• Pull Out The Photo Albums:  Looking at heartwarming pictures of happier family times from days gone by can …  really make you resent the hell out of the present.  Never mind.  Put the bloody books away.

• Do Some Arts And Crafts:  Have your child lie down on a piece of butcher paper and trace his outline with a black magic marker.  (Note: If you haven’t slaughtered a cow in your own home recently, regular paper will have to do.  Just tape some scraps together from that “craft box” you started five years ago, the one holding three broken crayon tips, a few toe nail clippings and your missing car keys.)

• Drink Plenty Of Fluids:  In order to ensure your child stays well hydrated, try serving his juice with a Crazy Straw – it’ll up the fun factor and help take his mind off his feelings.  As for your special “juice”, add it to your coffee cup and no one’s the wiser.

• Bake Some Holiday Treats:  Working with your hands can help relieve your stress and take your child’s mind off his sickness, so whip up a batch of Christmas cookies together and pop them in the oven!  When you’re done, use a spatula to gently remove the cookies from the tray … then throw every single one of them in the garbage.  Your child is a walking cesspool of germs — what the hell were you thinking??

• Watch A Favourite Holiday Movie:  Or ten.