My Birthday’s Cracked

ImageWhen your bed is thrusting and vibrating and you’re the only one in it, something’s not quite right.

Today is my birthday, but it’s not just any old run-of-the-mill anniversary.  At 7:00 this morning as consciousness broke I rolled over into my 50’s. However instead of gently greeting the new decade, this was the alarm clock parked outside my front door: Read more

Winnie The Poo (and poo and …)

ImageSince I’m about to be as shameless as a new mother on Facebook, let’s just get right to it.

This … is Winnie:

 

Now if you’re unable to “aww!” at that little face, you may be suffering from an MCI, or Mild Cuddle-Impairment. If so, please stop reading and go directly to the nearest hug.

I lost my mind three weeks ago and agreed to let the kids adopt a pet rabbit. Oh, I’ve ridden the “I’ve got allergies” bandwagon for years, a genuine condition that thankfully spared me not only the hassle of dog/cat maintenance but also the inevitable arguments around it. Why fight over rank litter boxes and overdue walkies when there are already filthy bedrooms and cheeky attitudes to conquer? Read more

Football or Boil Lancing … hmmm?
imageSee the grey-haired, gooey-eyed teenager on the right? That’s my husband Andrew blushing like a school girl in the presence of Toronto Argonaut Quarterback and Grey Cup Champion, Ricky Ray.
For you American gals without “Argo Awareness” as a clause in your marriage contract, here are some cross-border football equivalents, as offered by a cross-borderline Canadian fan:
CFL = NFL (ooo, ouch … sorry ardent football fans)
Grey Cup = Superbowl (not just a post-toilet cleansing observation)
Football = husband inaccessible for 4 hours, no matter what country you live in.

Read more

Pool It Together

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“LOOK Mama, LOOK!” Delia demanded as she plunged into another frantic underwater handstand.  Had there been a lifeguard within eyeshot, a full-blown rescue would have ensued.  I offered my requisite clapping from the poolside deck.  Read more

Colony Caper

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Ants.   The word itself invokes that “who invited YOU?” feeling as you lift your feet.  But unlike Wilma Flintstone, I can basically deal as long as they don’t show up in my potato salad or my bed sheets.

But this morning they really crossed the line.  As I grabbed my laptop off the table of the v-e-r-y rustic cottage we’re currently vacationing in, I saw an ant run for his life directly into the vent holes at the back of my Macbook Pro.  For real.

Great.  Thanks ant.  He’s now taken full control of my cursor AND my keyboooord asdfiej af (oops, there he goes …)

Asfoewen laas wefk  … ANTS RULE!

(Ok, he is SO getting the service bill for this.)

Slippery Slope

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In our family, the last day of school not only marks the beginning of that parental oxymoron, summer holidays, but it’s also the eve of our annual road trip to the magnificent, cascading waters of Niagara Falls.  Of course, I’d be referring to the six-story indoor waterpark at the Skyline hotel.

What was originally a one-off end of school celebration in 2008 has since become a seasonal tradition for my kids.  Yet from their perspective, the splendor of Canada’s Horseshoe Falls is but a soggy second compared to Fallsview’s manmade rapids shooting down winding fiberglass slides with such fitting names as Kamikaze, Sky Screamer and Canyon Drop. Read more